GRAVITY

I do the same thing every time.

The same, exact steps in the same exact order, for years.  So many times.

How many times?

How many times have you made yourself a sandwich?  Or got dressed for work?  Or taken your dog for a walk?

Same way every time.

I've been sick.  I've been late.  I've been angry.  Still...same routine, like my life depends on it.  Because it does.

We all jump at once.  They are elated or terrified.  Laughing or crying.  Sometimes they panic, but Ray or Angela or Tony always calm them down.  It's a gift they all have, especially Angela.  I do not have that gift.  My gift is my ability to capture the moment, and I do it every day right after I follow those same steps in that same order, day after day.  Week after week.  Year after year.  Except today of course.

It sounds boring, but I assure you it is not.

Falling.

They fall.  I fall with them.  I record everything.  The smiles.  The wave.  The "thumbs-up".  Then suddenly - very suddenly, they are gone and I am falling alone.  Then there is only wind.  And earth.  And me.

As it is now.

I've experienced a couple of failures over the years.  I followed procedure without thinking -  automatic - and I lived to tell the tale.  But this... this is...embarrassing.

Fuck!  How could I fucking forget?!  Jesus!  So stupid.

Ready for some irony?  Guess what I was thinking about when I was skipping the most important step.

Regret.

Ain't that a bitch.

That's about all the time I have to beat myself up.

This is gonna be a real drag for a lot of people...that girl that works at Dunkin' Donuts that was waiting for me to ask her out...Ray, Angela, Tony.  Mom.  Sorry, Mom.  Christ, today's students are all gonna be scarred for life, especially Carrie, floating somewhere above me.

Wow.  This is taking longer than I would have thought.

Here comes the ground.  I hope it doesn't hurt too much.  I guess I get to see where you go.  I'm going to be OK.  I really wish I'd asked that girl out.  She seemed